golden virginia

what do I care? why
    am I doing this I'm sitting
        outside raining jam jar
            am I being honest?
        why do I hate them? how
    can I-I call their names out
screaming bitter death-
    prayers to the Lord,
        "they're killing us"
            then sit outside again
                pretend this isn't
            public suicide.
how can I care? why
    should I work on myself, get
        "Better Help, 10% off with
            code" everyone I look at
                wants my dead. I
                    fix my hair, I
                wash my hands
            again, and leave.
another trans girl doing
    stupid shit and praying
        someone looks at me,
            until they look at me.
when they put my back against the wall,
    I'll say, "I quit," and take the bullet,
        even if it doesn't matter,
            even if it's just for me.